Stupid sexy Sonic.
A poster for the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie surfaced on Monday morning, and the internet has declared that Hollywood’s vision of the eponymous speedy rodent is a horrifying monster of Lovecraftian proportions. But god damn, would you look at those sexy legs?
In the poster, the video game mascot’s body is seen only in silhouette — a weirdly muscular and human-shaped look. Take a gander. (It’s a motion poster, so you have to hit play.)
With so much left to the imagination, this kind of response was almost unavoidable. Maybe that was the point.
We, the video game fans of the internet, may be excoriating Sonic’s impressively sculpted thighs and lithe upper body for being an epic failure of a thirst trap. But at least we’re talking about him in the context of the 2019 movie.
I tried to make this about a push-and-pull between “yay a sexy Sonic who definitely fucks!” and “what in the ever-loving hell is this nightmare vision?” but the internet’s response is pretty unanimous: thanks, we hate it.
Sonic movie pitch meeting:
“Here’s our goal. We’re going to make something so horrifying even the deviant art crowd won’t want to fuck it”
— Ben Moss (@twitchmoss) December 10, 2018
Oh fuck, I just realized something… they haven’t shown Sonic’s eyes yet, now I’m even more scared
— Silverbane Jackson (@Silverbane_JKSN) December 10, 2018
Personally, I think people are just missing the point. This guy gets it.